第十一章

講述天主如何激發靈魂如此強烈而衝動的渴望看到祂危及生命。這神聖恩典帶來的好處。

1. 恩惠會增加靈魂對神的渴望。 2.愛的飛鏢。 3.精神上的痛苦產生。 4.它的物理作用。 S.對天主的渴望的折磨。 6.這些苦難是煉獄。 7.地獄的折磨。 8. 聖女小德蘭對天主的痛苦渴望。 9.這種痛苦是不可抗拒的。 10.愛之鏢的效果。 11. 生命面臨的兩種靈性危險。 12. 這裡需要勇氣，而勇氣是我們的主所賜的。

1. 1. 配偶賜予靈魂的所有這些恩典是否足以滿足這隻小鴿子或蝴蝶（你看我畢竟沒有忘記她！），以便她可以在她將要死去的地方安頓下來並休息？確實不：她的狀況比以往任何時候都糟糕得多。儘管她多年來一直受到這些恩惠，但她仍然嘆息和哭泣，因為每一次恩惠都加劇了她的痛苦。她認為自己離天主還很遠，但隨著她對天主屬性的認識不斷加深，她對天主的渴望和愛也越來越強烈，因為她更充分地了解到這位偉大的天主和主權者如何值得被愛。隨著年復一年，她對他的渴望逐漸加深，她經歷了我即將描述的痛苦。我之所以說“年”，是因為與我​​提到的那個人身上發生的事情有關，儘管我很清楚，對於天主來說，時間是沒有限制的，在某一刻，他可以將一個靈魂提升到我所描述的最崇高的狀態。陛下有能力做他想做的一切，他希望為我們做很多事情。這些渴望、淚水、嘆息，以及猛烈、浮躁的慾望和強烈的感情，似乎是出於我們熾熱的愛，但與我將要描述的相比，根本算不了什麼，不過是一團悶燒的火，其熱度雖然令人痛苦，但還可以忍受。

2. 2. 當靈魂因此被愛所點燃時，經常會發生這樣的情況：一閃而過的想法或口頭言語，死亡如何推遲它的到來，心臟不知如何或從何而來，受到了來自熾熱飛鏢的打擊。 ³⁷⁸我並不是說這實際上是一支“飛鏢”，但無論它是什麼，它顯然都不是來自我們生命的任何部分。 ³⁷⁹ 雖然我稱之為“打擊”，但它也不是真正的“打擊”，但它嚴重傷害了我們——我認為，不是在我們本性中遭受身體痛苦的部分，而是在靈魂的最深處和中心，在那裡，閃電般的快速過程，將我們本性中所有塵世的部分都化為粉末。那時我們甚至記不起自己的存在，因為在那一瞬間，靈魂的官能受到如此束縛，除了它們保留的增加我們折磨的力量之外，無法採取任何行動。別以為我誇大其詞；事實上，我無法解釋所發生的無法形容的事。

3. 3. 這是一種感官和官能的恍惚狀態，除了那些有助於使痛苦更加強烈的事物。理解力敏銳地認識到與天主分離而悲傷的原因是什麼，而陛下現在透過他自己的生動表現來加劇這種悲傷。這會增加痛苦到這樣的程度，以至於患者會大聲喊叫，無論她多麼有耐心並習慣於疼痛，她都無法抑制住，因為這種折磨不是肉體上的，而是攻擊靈魂最深處的。我所說的這個人從這件事中了解到，精神比身體更容易遭受痛苦。她明白這類似於煉獄的痛苦，肉體的缺失並不能阻止這種折磨比我們在這個世界所能感受到的任何折磨都要嚴重得多。

4. 4. 我看到某人處於這種情況，我真的以為他會死，這並不奇怪，因為這種情況下有很大的死亡危險。儘管它持續的時間很短，但它卻使四肢脫節，脈搏微弱，彷彿靈魂即將出發，事實確實如此，因為自然的熱量消失了，而超自然的熱量則如此灼燒身體，即使熱量增加得那麼少，天主也無法滿足靈魂對死亡的渴望。身體此刻並沒有感到任何疼痛，儘管正如我所說，所有的關節都脫臼了，以至於在兩三天后，痛苦太嚴重，以至於人連握筆的力氣都沒有；³⁸⁰事實上，我相信健康會因此而永久衰弱。當時還沒有感覺到這一點，可能是因為精神上的折磨更加劇烈，而身體上的折磨卻未被注意到；正如我的經驗所知道的，正如當某個部位出現非常劇烈的疼痛時，其他部位的輕微疼痛就很難被察覺。在這個恩惠過程中，身體上沒有任何或大或小的痛苦，我想這個人被撕成碎片也不會感覺到。

5. 5. 也許你會說這是一種不完美，你可能會問，既然她已經完全降服於天主的旨意，為什麼她不符合天主的旨意呢？到目前為止，她已經能夠做到這一點，並為此奉獻了自己的一生。但現在她不能了，因為她的理智已經淪落到這樣一種狀態，她不再是自己的主人了。除了那些會增加她痛苦的事情之外，她什麼也想不起來——因為她為什麼要尋求與她唯一的善分開的生活？她感到一種奇怪的孤獨，在地球上找不到任何生物的陪伴。我相信，她也不能置身於那些居住在天堂的人之中，因為他們不是她的摯愛：同時，整個社會對她來說都是一種折磨。她就像一個懸浮在半空中的人，既不能觸及地面，也不能登上天堂；她口乾舌燥，無法夠到水，這不是一種可以忍受的口渴，而是一種沒有任何東西能解渴的渴，除了我們的主對撒瑪利亞婦人所說的水之外，她也不會讓人解渴，但這並沒有給她。 ³⁸¹

6. 6. 唉，主啊，你使那些愛你的人陷入何等的境地！然而，這些痛苦與你將給予他們的獎賞相比，根本算不了什麼。巨大的財富應該花重價購買，這是正確的。此外，她的痛苦淨化了她的靈魂，使其可以進入第七重居所，就像煉獄淨化了進入天堂的靈魂一樣：³⁸²那麼，與大海相比，這些考驗確實就像一滴水。雖然我認為這種折磨和悲傷無法被任何塵世的十字架所超越（至少這個人是這麼說的，她在身體和心靈上都承受了很多），但與他們的回報相比，這些在她看來微不足道。靈魂認識到它不值得承受具有如此不可估量價值的痛苦。這信念雖然沒有帶來任何緩解；使受苦者能夠心甘情願地承受她的考驗——在她的一生中，如果天主願意的話——儘管這不是一勞永逸的死亡，而是一種活生生的死亡，因為它確實沒有別的。

7. 7. 姊妹們，讓我們記住，那些在地獄裡的人是如何缺乏對神聖意志的順服，以及天主給予這樣一個靈魂的順服和安慰，以及知道他們的痛苦對他們有益的安慰，因為被詛咒的人將繼續遭受越來越多的痛苦； （越來越多，我的意思是關於意外的痛苦[[[]ref:383:x-xii-pfn-1]pfn.靈魂的感覺遠比肉體敏銳，我剛才所描述的折磨遠比那些失喪者所承受的痛苦要輕得多，他們也知道他們的痛苦將永遠持續下去：那麼，這些悲慘的靈魂會變成什麼樣子呢？在我們短暫的一生中，我們可以做什麼或遭受什麼值得考慮的事情，如果它能讓我們擺脫如此可怕和無盡的折磨？我向你保證，除非你有經驗，否則你不可能意識到精神上的痛苦是多麼劇烈，與身體上的痛苦有多麼不同。我們的主希望我們明白這一點，以便我們能夠認識到我們對他的感激之情，因為他呼召我們進入一個狀態，我們可以希望透過他的仁慈，擺脫並寬恕我們的罪。

8. 8. 讓我們回到我們在如此殘酷的折磨中留下的靈魂。這種劇烈的痛苦不會持續太久──我相信，永遠不會超過三、四個小時；如果時間延長，我們本性的弱點就無法忍受，除非出現奇蹟。在一個案例中，這種情況只持續了一刻鐘，患者就已經筋疲力盡了。確實，攻擊如此猛烈，以至於她完全失去了知覺。當她意外地聽到一些詩句時，就發生了這種情況，這些詩句的意思是生命似乎永無止境；當時是復活節的最後一天，她正在談話。整個復活節期間，她都經歷瞭如此枯乾，幾乎沒有意識到正在慶祝什麼神秘。 ³⁸⁴ Véante mi ojos，Dulce Jesús bueno：Véante mi ojos，Y muérame yo luégo。    富恩特，L.C.卷。 v. 143，註 1。 Œuvres，ii。 231.（第36首詩，英文版。）這次事件的兩種關係略有不同。在相對。四.聖德蘭似乎暗示這件事發生在復活節週日晚上，但在這裡她明確地說：“Pascua de Resurreccion, el postrer dia”，即 1571 年 4 月 17 日復活節星期二，在薩拉曼卡。

9. 9. 如果我們被丟進火裡，我們不可能抗拒這種痛苦，就像不可能阻止火焰的熱量足以燒傷我們一樣。這些感覺是無法掩飾的：在場的所有人都知道這樣一個人的危險狀況，儘管他們看不到她內心正在發生什麼。確實，她知道她的朋友就在附近，但他們和世間的一切對她來說都只是影子。為了向你表明，如果你處於這種狀態，你的弱點和人性可能會對你有所幫助，我可以告訴你，有時，當一個人似乎因為對死亡的渴望而瀕臨死亡時³⁸⁵，這種渴望如此痛苦地壓迫她的靈魂，以至於似乎要離開她的身體，但她的思想卻試圖平息這種想法。 顯然，這種恐懼源自於人類的軟弱，因為靈魂對死亡的渴望不會同時減弱，其悲傷也無法平息或減輕，直到天主帶來安慰。 ³⁸⁶他通常透過深度恍惚或某種異象來做到這一點，真正的保惠師藉此安慰和加強心臟，從而屈服於只要他活著就活下去。意志。 ³⁸⁷ 被溫柔的獵人擊中並被推翻， 在愛的懷抱中我的靈魂俯臥。終於獲得了新的生命，我們之間簽訂了這份契約，心愛的人應該屬於我自己，我只屬於他。

10. 10. 這種恩惠會帶來巨大的痛苦，但會在靈魂中留下最寶貴的恩典，使靈魂不再害怕今後可能遇到的任何十字架，因為與它所經歷的劇烈痛苦相比，其他一切似乎算不了什麼。看到自己所獲得的成果，患者很樂意常常忍受同樣的痛苦³⁸⁸，但在這件事上卻無能為力。在天主選擇頒布法令之前，沒有辦法再次達到這種狀態，此時抵抗或逃脫都是不可能的。心靈對世界的蔑視比以前更深，意識到世間沒有任何東西可以在它的折磨中幫助它；它也更加脫離生物，因為它知道除了它的創造者之外沒有人能給它帶來安慰和力量。更焦慮和小心的是不要冒犯天主，因為祂可以折磨也可以安慰。 ³⁸⁹

11. 11. 在我看來，在這種精神狀態下，有兩件事會危及生命，一是我剛才所說的，這是一個真正的危險，而且是不小的危險；一種是過度的高興，一種極度的喜悅，以至於靈魂似乎昏厥了，似乎要離開身體，這確實會給它帶來不小的快樂。

26012. 12.現在你明白了。姊妹們，我是否沒有理由告訴你們，這些恩惠需要勇氣，當任何人向我們的主請求這些恩惠時，他很可能會回答，就像他對西庇太的兒子們所做的那樣：“你們能喝我要喝的聖杯嗎？”³⁹⁰我相信，我們都應該回答。它需要：當他們受到迫害和誹謗時，他永遠會捍衛這些靈魂並為他們做出回應，就像他為抹大拉的人所做的那樣——如果不是在言語上，至少在行動上。 ³⁹¹最後，啊，最後！在他們死之前，他會償還他們所遭受的一切，正如你現在將了解的那樣。願他永遠蒙福，願眾生讚美他！阿門。

TREATS OF HOW GOD INSPIRES THE SOUL WITH SUCH VEHEMENT AND IMPETUOUS DESIRES OF SEEING HIM AS TO ENDANGER LIFE. THE BENEFITS RESULTING FROM THIS DIVINE GRACE.

1. Favours increase the soul’s desire for God. 2. The dart of love. 3. Spiritual sufferings produced. 4. Its physical effects. S. Torture of the desire for God. 6. These sufferings are a purgatory. 7. The torments of hell. 8. St. Teresa’s painful desire after God. 9. This suffering irresistible. 10. Effects of the dart of love. 11. Two spiritual dangers to life. 12. Courage needed here and given by our Lord.

1.

1. WILL all these graces bestowed by the Spouse upon the soul suffice to content this little dove or butterfly (you see I have not forgotten her after all!) so that she may settle down and rest in the place where she is to die? No indeed: her state is far worse than ever; although she has been receiving these favours for many years past, she still sighs and weeps because each grace augments her pain. She sees herself still far away from God, yet with her increased knowledge of His attributes her longing and her love for Him grow ever stronger as she learns more fully how this great God and Sovereign deserves to be loved. As, year by year her yearning after Him gradually becomes keener, she experiences the bitter suffering I am about to describe. I speak of ‘years’ because relating what happened to the person I mentioned, though I know well that with God time has no limits and in a single moment He can raise a soul to the most sublime state I have described. His Majesty has the power to do all He wishes and He wishes to do much for us. These longings, tears, sighs, and violent and impetuous desires and strong feelings, which seem to proceed from our vehement love, are yet as nothing compared with what I am about to describe and seem but a smouldering fire, the heat of which, though painful, is yet tolerable.

2.

2. While the soul is thus inflamed with love, it often happens that, from a passing thought or spoken word of how death delays its coming, the heart receives, it knows not how or whence, a blow as from a fiery dart.³⁷⁸ I do not say that this actually is a ‘dart,’ but, whatever it may be, decidedly it does not come from any part of our being.³⁷⁹ Neither is it really a ‘blow’ though I call it one, but it wounds us severely—not, I think, in that part of our nature subject to physical pain but in the very depths and centre of the soul, where this, thunderbolt, in its rapid course, reduces all the earthly part of our nature to powder. At the time we cannot even remember our own existence, for in an instant, the faculties of the soul are so fettered as to be incapable of any action except the power they retain of increasing our torture. Do not think I am exaggerating; indeed I fall short of explaining what happens which cannot be described.

3.

3. This is a trance of the senses and faculties except as regards what helps to make the agony more intense. The understanding realizes acutely what cause there is for grief in separation from God and His Majesty now augments this sorrow by a vivid manifestation of Himself. This increases the anguish to such a degree that the sufferer gives vent to loud cries which she cannot stifle, however patient and accustomed to pain she may be, because this torture is not corporal but attacks the innermost recesses of the soul. The person I speak of learnt from this how much more acutely the spirit is capable of suffering than the body; she understood that this resembled the pains of purgatory, where the absence of the flesh does not prevent the torture’s being far worse than any we can feel in this world.

4.

4. I saw some one in this condition who I really thought would have died, nor would it have been surprising, for there is great danger of death in this state. Short as is the time it lasts, it leaves the limbs all disjointed and the pulse as feeble as if the soul were on the point of departure, which is indeed the case, for the natural heat fails, while that which is supernatural so burns the frame that were it increased ever so little God would satisfy the soul’s desire for death. Not that any pain is felt by the body at the moment, although, as I said, all the joints are dislocated so that for two or three days afterwards the suffering is too severe for the person to have even the strength to hold a pen;³⁸⁰ indeed I believe that the health becomes permanently enfeebled in consequence. At the time this is not felt, probably because the spiritual torments are so much more keen that the bodily ones remain unnoticed; just as when there is very severe pain in one part, slighter aches elsewhere are hardly perceived, as I know by experience. During this favour there is no physical suffering either great or small, nor do I think the person would feel it were she torn to pieces.

5.

5. Perhaps you will say this is an imperfection, and you may ask why she does not conform herself to the will of God since she has so completely surrendered herself to it. Hitherto she has been able to do so and she consecrated her life to it; but now she cannot because her reason is reduced to such a state that she is no longer mistress of herself; nor can she think of anything but what tends to increase her torment—for why should she seek to live apart from her only Good? She feels a strange loneliness, finding no companionship in any earthly creature; nor could she, I believe, among those who dwell in heaven, since they are not her Beloved: meanwhile all society is a torture to her. She is like one suspended in mid-air, who can neither touch the earth nor mount to heaven; she is unable to reach the water while parched with thirst and this is not a thirst that can be borne, but one which nothing will quench nor would she have it quenched save with that water of which our Lord spoke to the Samaritan woman, but this is not given to her.³⁸¹

6.

6. Alas, O Lord, to what a state dost Thou bring those who love Thee! Yet these sufferings are as nothing compared with the reward Thou wilt give for them. It is right that great riches should be dearly bought. Moreover, her pains purify her soul so that it may enter the seventh mansion, as purgatory cleanses spirits which are to enter heaven:³⁸² then indeed these trials will appear like a drop of water compared to the sea. Though this torment and grief could not, I think, be surpassed by any earthly cross (so at least this person said and she had endured much both in body and mind), yet they appeared to her as nothing in comparison with their recompense. The soul realizes that it has not merited anguish which is of such measureless value. This conviction, although bringing no relief; enables the sufferer to bear her trials willingly—for her entire lifetime, if God so wills,—although instead of dying once for all, this would be but a living death, for truly it is nothing else.

7.

7. Let us remember, sisters, how those who are in hell lack this submission to the divine will and the resignation and consolation God gives such a soul and the solace of knowing that their pains benefit them, for the damned will continually suffer more and more; (more and more, I mean in regard to accidental pains³⁸³ ). The soul feels far more keenly than the body and the torments I have just described are incomparably less severe than those endured by the lost, who also know that their anguish will last for ever: what, then, will become of these miserable souls? What can we do or suffer during our short lives which is worth reckoning if it will free us from such terrible and endless torments? I assure you that, unless you have learned by experience, it would be impossible to make you realize how acute are spiritual pangs and how different from physical pain. Our Lord wishes us to understand this, so that we may realize what gratitude we owe Him for having called us to a state where we may hope, by His mercy, to be freed from and forgiven our sins.

8.

8. Let us return to the soul we left in such cruel torment. This agony does not continue for long in its full violence—never, I believe, longer than three or four hours; were it prolonged, the weakness of our nature could not endure it except by a miracle. In one case, where it lasted only a quarter of an hour, the sufferer was left utterly exhausted; indeed, so violent was the attack that she completely lost consciousness. This occurred when she unexpectedly heard some verses to the effete that life seemed unending; she was engaged in conversation at the time, which was on the last day of Easter. All Eastertide she had suffered such aridity as hardly to realize what mystery was being celebrated.³⁸⁴ Véante mis ojos, Dulce Jesús bueno: Véante mis ojos, Y muérame yo luégo.
   Fuente, l.c. vol. v. 143, note 1. Œuvres, ii. 231. (Poem 36, English version.) There is a slight difference in the two relations of this occurrence. In Rel. iv. St. Teresa seems to imply that it happened on Easter Sunday evening, but here she says distinctly: ‘Pascua de Resurreccion, el postrer dia,’ that is, on Easter Tuesday, April 17, 1571, at Salamanca.

9.

9. It is as impossible to resist this suffering as it would be to prevent the flame’s having heat enough to burn us if we were thrown into a fire. These feelings cannot be concealed: all who are present recognize the dangerous condition of such a person although they are unable to see what is passing within her. True, she knows her friends are near, but they and all earthly things seem to her but shadows. To show you that, should you ever be in this state, it is possible for your weakness and human nature to be of help to you, I may tell you that at times, when a person seems dying from her desire for death³⁸⁵ which so oppresses her soul with grief that it appears on the point of leaving her body, yet her mind, terrified at the thought, tries to still its pain so as to keep death at bay. Evidently this fear arises from human infirmity, for the soul’s longings for death do not abate meanwhile nor can its sorrows be stilled or allayed until God brings it comfort.³⁸⁶ This He usually does by a deep trance or by some vision whereby the true Comforter consoles and strengthens the heart, which thus becomes resigned to live as long as He wills.³⁸⁷ Struck by the gentle Hunter And overthrown, Within the arms of Love My soul lay prone. Raised to new life at last, This contract ’tween us passed, That the Beloved should be mine own, I His alone.

10.

10. This favour entails great suffering but leaves most precious graces within the soul, which loses all fear of any crosses it may henceforth meet with, for in comparison with the acute anguish it has gone through all else seems nothing. Seeing what she has gained, the sufferer would gladly endure frequently the same pains³⁸⁸ but can do nothing to help herself in the matter. There are no means of reaching that state again until God chooses to decree it, when neither resistance nor escape is possible. The mind feels far deeper contempt for the world than before, realizing that nothing earthly can succour it in its torture; it is also much more detached from creatures, having learnt that no one but its Creator can bring it consolation and strength. It is more anxious and careful not to offend God, seeing that He can torment as well as comfort.³⁸⁹

11.

11. Two things in this spiritual state seem to me to endanger life,—one is that of which I have just spoken which is a real peril and no small one; the other an excessive gladness and a delight so extreme that the soul appears to swoon away and seems on the point of leaving the body, which indeed would bring it no small joy.

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12. Now you see. sisters, whether I had not reason to tell you that courage was needed for these favours and that when any one asks for them from our Lord He may well reply, as He did to the sons of Zebedee: ‘Can you drink the chalice that I shall drink?’³⁹⁰ I believe, sisters, we should all answer ’Yes’—and we should be perfectly right for His Majesty gives strength when He sees it needed: He ever defends such souls and answers for them when they are persecuted and slandered as He did for the Magdalen—if not in words, at least in deeds.³⁹¹ At last, ah, at last! before they die He repays them for all they have suffered, as you shall now learn. May He be for ever blessed and may all creatures praise Him! Amen.