第一章

講述流亡生活中的不安全感，無論我們的地位有多高，以及我們必須始終在恐懼中行走。包含一些優點。

1.第三重居所的靈魂。 2.今生的不安全感。 3. 我們有失寵的危險。 4. 聖人哀嘆她過去的生活。 5. 聖母的贊助。 6. 即使對宗教人士來說，恐懼也是必要的。 7. 聖德蘭的懺悔。 8. 第三重居所的特徵。 9. 福音中的富有的年輕人。 10. 祈禱枯乾的原因。 11. 謙虛。 12. 不溫不火。 13.我們必須把一切奉獻給天主。 14.我們的債務。 15. 安慰和枯乾。

1. 1. 對於那些靠著天主的憐憫，在這些戰鬥中獲勝並堅持到第三宮的人，除了「敬畏上主的人是有福的」之外，我們還能對他們說什麼呢？ ⁸⁶ 考慮到我通常對這些事情是多麼的敏感，我能夠將這節經文翻譯成西班牙語，以解釋其含義，這對我來說是一個不小的恩惠。我們完全可以稱這些靈魂為有福的，因為據我們所知，除非他們回頭，否則他們就走在通往救贖的安全道路上。現在，我的姊妹們，你們看到了，對他們來說，在以前的鬥爭中取得勝利是多麼重要，因為我相信，我們的主今後將永遠不會停止讓他們保持良心的安全，這是不小的恩惠。

2. 2. 我說「安全」是錯的，因為此生沒有安全；要明白，在這種情況下，我總是暗示：「如果他們不停止，繼續他們已經開始的事情。」生活在這個世界上是多麼痛苦啊！我們就像敵人就在門口的人一樣，即使在睡覺或吃飯時也不能放下武器，並且總是擔心敵人會從城牆的某個缺口進入堡壘。我的主啊，我的一切！你怎麼能希望我們珍惜這樣不幸的存在呢？如果不是因為希望為了你的緣故而失去它或將其完全奉獻給你服務，我們就無法停止渴望和懇求你將我們帶離它——最重要的是因為我們知道我們應該活著是你的旨意。既然如此，「讓我們與你同死吧！」⁸⁷正如聖多瑪斯所說，因為離開你等於一次又一次地死去，因為我們被永遠失去你的恐懼所困擾！

3. 3. 這就是為什麼我說，女兒們，我們應該請求我們的主賜予我們有一天能夠與聖徒安全地居住在一起，因為帶著這樣的恐懼，她能享受什麼快樂，她唯一的快樂就是取悅天主呢？請記住，許多聖徒都像我們一樣感受到了這一點，甚至更加熱切，但卻陷入了嚴重的罪惡，我們不能確定天主會伸出他的手讓我們再次從罪惡中復活，像他們那樣進行懺悔。這適用於非凡的恩典。 ⁸⁸確實，我的女兒們，當我告訴你們這些時，我感到非常恐懼，當我像經常做的那樣反思它時，我不知道如何寫它，甚至不知道如何繼續生活。懇求國王陛下，我的女兒們，住在我體內，否則，在我度過瞭如此糟糕的一生之後，我還能感受到什麼安全感呢？

4. 4. 知道這一點後不要悲傷。當我談到這件事時，我經常看到你感到困擾，因為你希望我的過去是一個非常神聖的過去，你是對的——事實上，我自己也希望如此。但既然我因為自己的過錯而完全浪費了它，又能做什麼呢？我沒有權利抱怨天主拒絕提供我實現你的願望所需的援助。當我看到我正在向那些能夠教導我的人解釋這些事情時，我不可能不流淚和感到巨大的羞恥來寫下這篇文章。服從對我來說是多麼艱鉅的任務啊！願天主保佑，當我為他做這件事時，它可能會對你有所幫助；因此請請求他原諒我的可悲的自以為是。

5. 5. 陛下知道我除了他的仁慈之外別無依靠；因為我無法抹去過去，所以我別無補救辦法，只能逃向他，信賴他的兒子和他的童貞母親的優點，他們的習慣雖然像我一樣不值得，但我也像你一樣穿著。那麼，我的女兒們，讚美他，讓你們真正成為聖母的女兒，這樣你們就不必為我的邪惡而臉紅，因為你們有一位如此好的母親。模仿她；想想她一定是多麼偉大，擁有她作為你的守護神對你來說是多麼大的祝福，因為我的罪惡和邪惡的性格並沒有給我們騎士團的光彩帶來玷污。

6. 6. 儘管如此，我還是必須給你一個警告：不要太自信，因為你是修女，是這樣一位母親的女兒。大衛是非常聖潔的，但你知道所羅門變成了什麼。 ⁸⁹ 因此，不要依賴你的封閉，你的悔罪生活，也不要依賴你不斷的祈禱和與天主的持續交流，也不要相信你已經離開了世界，或者相信你在恐懼中堅持自己的方式。這一切都很好，但正如我已經說過的，還不足以消除所有恐懼；因此，請默想這段經文並經常回憶它：「敬畏上主的人是有福的。」⁹⁰

7. 7. 我不記得我剛才說了什麼，而且已經離題了很多：因為當我想到自己時，我的思想無法飛翔到更高的事物，而是像一隻折斷翅膀的鳥；所以我現在先把這個話題留下來。

8. 8. 回到我開始解釋的關於進入第三宮的靈魂的話題。天主給了他們不小的恩惠，而且是很大的恩惠，使他們度過了最初的困難。感謝他的仁慈，我相信世界上有很多這樣的人：他們非常渴望不冒犯國王陛下，即使是小罪，他們喜歡苦行，花幾個小時默想，他們很好地利用時間，鍛煉自己為鄰居做慈善，他們的言談和著裝都井然有序，那些擁有家庭的人管理得很好。這當然是人們所希望的，而且似乎沒有理由禁止他們進入最後的居所；如果他們願意，我們的主也不會拒絕他們，因為這是接受祂一切恩惠的正確傾向。

9. 9. 耶穌啊！誰能宣稱他不渴望這偉大的祝福，尤其是在他度過了主要的困難之後？不;沒有人可以！我們都說我們渴望它，但主要對靈魂有完全的統治權，還需要更多。光這樣說是不夠的，就像當我們的主告訴年輕人如果他想要完美就必須做什麼時，這已經足夠了。 ⁹¹自從我開始談論這些起居室，我就不斷地想起他，因為我們和他一模一樣。這常常導致我們在祈禱中感到極度枯乾，儘管有時它也是由其他原因引起的。我並不是說某些內心的痛苦，這些痛苦給許多虔誠的靈魂帶來了難以忍受的痛苦，而這些痛苦並不是因為他們自己的過錯而造成的。然而，我們的主總是能拯救他們脫離這些考驗，並為自己帶來許多好處。我也排除那些患有憂鬱症和其他疾病的人。但在這些情況下，就像在所有其他情況下一樣，我們必須將天主的審判放在一邊。

10. 10. 我認為這些影響通常是由我提到的第一個原因造成的；這些靈魂知道沒有什麼會誘使他們犯罪（他們中的許多人甚至不會無意中犯下小罪），並且他們會很好地利用自己的生命和財富。因此，他們不能耐心地忍受被排除在我們國王面前之外，因為他們確實認為自己是國王的附庸。地上的國王可能有許多臣民，但並非所有人都進入他的宮廷。那麼，進入吧，我的女兒們，進入你們的內心；超越你自己的瑣碎工作的想法，這些工作不再是基督徒必須要做的，甚至也不是那麼多：只要你是神的僕人就足夠了，不要追求太多而什麼也得不到。 ⁹²想想那些已經進入神聖存在的聖徒，你會看到他們和我們之間的區別。

11. 11. 不要祈求你不配得到的東西，無論我們為神做了多少，我們也不應該認為我們值得聖徒的獎賞，因為我們得罪了他。哦，謙虛，謙虛！我不知道為什麼，但我總是想，那些如此抱怨乾旱的人一定缺乏這種美德。然而，我並不是談論嚴重的內心痛苦，這比缺乏奉獻精神更糟糕。

12. 12. 我的姊妹們，讓我們考驗自己，或讓我們的主考驗我們；祂很清楚如何做到這一點（儘管我們經常假裝誤解祂）。我們現在要談論這些秩序良好的靈魂。讓我們想想他們為天主做了什麼，我們立刻就會明白我們有什麼權利向天主陛下發怨言。如果我們像福音中的年輕人一樣背棄他並悲傷地離開⁹³，當他告訴我們如何做才能變得完美時，天主能做什麼呢？因為祂必須將獎賞與我們對祂的愛相稱。我的女兒們，這種愛絕不能是我們想像的產物；我們必須用我們的作品來證明這一點。然而，不要以為我們的主需要我們的任何工作；祂驅逐我們只是為了表達我們的善意。 ⁹⁴

13. 13. 在我們看來，我們所做的一切都是透過我們自己意願的宗教習慣，並為天主放棄世俗的事物和我們所有的財產（儘管它們可能只是聖彼得的網，⁹⁵但它們對我們來說似乎很重要，因為它們是我們的一切）。這是一種極好的傾向：如果我們繼續這樣做，並且即使在慾望中也不返回到最初房間的爬行動物的陪伴中，毫無疑問，通過堅持這種靈魂的貧困和超然，我們將獲得我們為之奮鬥的一切。但是，請注意這一點——必須有一個條件——我們“把自己視為無利可圖的僕人”，⁹⁶正如聖保羅或基督告訴我們的那樣，並且我們不認為我們的主有義務給予我們任何恩惠，而是當我們從他那裡得到更多時，我們對他的虧欠就深越。

14. 14. 對於一位如此慷慨的天主，他為我們而死，他創造了我們，他賦予了我們生命，我們能為他做的事情是多麼微不足道，以至於我們不應該認為自己很高興能夠免除我們因服侍我們而欠他的部分債務，而不祈求他新的憐憫和恩惠？我不願意用這個表達，但事實確實如此，因為他在這個世界上生活的整個時間裡，除了為我們服務之外，沒有做任何其他事情。

15. 15. 女兒們，請仔細思考我所闡述的一些觀點，儘管有些混亂，因為我不知道如何更好地解釋它們。我們的主會讓你理解它們，好讓你從你的枯乾中收穫謙卑，而不是魔鬼試圖藉此造成的不安。我相信，只要存在真正的謙卑，儘管天主永遠不應該給予安慰，但他卻會賜予平安和順服，使靈魂比其他有理智奉獻的人更幸福。正如你所讀到的，這些安慰常常是由神聖陛下給予最軟弱的靈魂的，我想他們不會用它們來交換基督徒在乾旱中事奉天主的堅韌：我們比十字架更喜歡安慰！主啊，你知道一切真理，求你證明我們，使我們能認識自己。

TREATS OF THE INSECURITY OF LIFE IN THIS EXILE, HOWEVER HIGH WE MAY BE RAISED, AND OF HOW WE MUST ALWAYS WALK IN FEAR. CONTAINS SOME GOOD POINTS.

1. Souls in the Third Mansions. 2. Insecurity of this life. 3. Our danger of falling from grace. 4. The Saint bewails her past life. 5. Our Lady’s patronage. 6. Fear necessary even for religious. 7. St. Teresa’s contrition. 8. Characteristics of those in the Third Mansions. 9. The rich young man in the Gospel. 10. Reason of aridities in prayer. 11. Humility. 12. Tepidity. 13. We must give all to God. 14. Our debt. 15. Consolations and aridities.

1.

1. As for those who, by the mercy of God, have vanquished in these combats and persevered until they reached the third mansions, what can we say to them but ‘Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord’?⁸⁶ It is no small favour from God that I should be able to translate this verse into Spanish so as to explain its meaning, considering how dense I usually am in such matters. We may well call these souls blessed, for, as far as we can tell, unless they turn back in their course they are on the safe road to salvation. Now, my sisters, you see how important it is for them to conquer in their former struggles, for I am convinced that our Lord will henceforth never cease to keep them in security of conscience, which is no small boon.

2.

2. I am wrong in saying ‘security,’ for there is no security in this life; understand that in such cases I always imply: ‘If they do not cease to continue as they have begun.’ What misery to live in this world! We are like men whose enemies are at the door, who must not lay aside their arms, even while sleeping or eating, and are always in dread lest the foe should enter the fortress by some breach in the walls. O my Lord and my all! How canst Thou wish us to prize such a wretched existence? We could not desist from longing and begging Thee to take us from it, were it not for the hope of losing it for Thy sake or devoting it entirely to Thy service—and above all because we know it is Thy will that we should live. Since it is so, ‘Let us die with Thee!’⁸⁷ as St. Thomas said, for to be away from Thee is but to die again and again, haunted as we are by the dread of losing Thee for ever!

3.

3. This is why I say, daughters, that we ought to ask our Lord as our boon to grant us one day to dwell in safety with the Saints, for with such fears, what pleasure can she enjoy whose only pleasure is to please God? Remember, many Saints have felt this as we do, and were even far more fervent, yet fell into grave sin, and we cannot be sure that God would stretch forth His hand to raise us from sin again to do such penance as they performed. This applies to extraordinary grace.⁸⁸ Truly, my daughters, I feel such terror as I tell you this, that I know not how to write it, nor even how to go on living, when I reflect upon it as I very often do. Beg of His Majesty, my daughters, to abide within me, for otherwise, what security could I feel, after a life so badly spent as mine has been?

4.

4. Do not grieve at knowing this. I have often seen you troubled when I spoke about it, for you wish that my past had been a very holy one, in which you are right—indeed, I wish the same myself. But what can be done, now that I have wasted it entirely through my own fault? I have no right to complain that God withheld the aid I needed to fulfil your wishes. It is impossible for me to write this without tears and great shame, when I see that I am explaining these matters to those capable of teaching me. What a hard task has obedience laid, upon me! God grant that, as I do it for Him, it may be of some service to you; therefore beg Him to pardon me for my miserable presumption.

5.

5. His Majesty knows that I have nothing to rely upon but His mercy; as I cannot cancel the past, I have no other remedy but to flee to Him, and to confide in the merits of His Son and of His Virgin Mother, whose habit, unworthy as I am, I wear as you do also. Praise Him, then, my daughters, for making you truly daughters of our Lady, so that you need not blush for my wickedness as you have such a good Mother. Imitate her; think how great she must be and what a blessing it is for you to have her for a patroness, since my sins and evil character have brought no tarnish on the lustre of our holy Order.

6.

6. Still I must give you one warning: be not too confident because you are nuns and the daughters of such a Mother. David was very holy, yet you know what Solomon became.⁸⁹ Therefore do not rely on your enclosure, on your penitential life, nor on your continual exercise of prayer and constant communion with God, nor trust in having left the world or in the idea that you hold its ways in horror. All this is good, but is not enough, as I have already said, to remove all fear; therefore meditate on this text and often recall it: ’Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord.’⁹⁰

7.

7. I do not recollect what I was saying, and have digressed very much: for when I think of myself my mind cannot soar to higher things but is like a bird with broken wings; so I will leave this subject for the present.

8.

8. To return to what I began to explain about the souls which have entered the third mansions. God has shown them no small favour, but a very great one, in enabling them to pass through the first difficulties. Thanks to His mercy I believe there are many such people in the world: they are very desirous not to offend His Majesty even by venial sins, they love penance and spend hours in meditation, they employ their time well, exercise themselves in works of charity to their neighbours, are well-ordered in their conversation and dress, and those who own a household govern it well. This is certainly to be desired, and there appears no reason to forbid their entrance to the last mansions; nor will our Lord deny it them if they desire it, for this is the right disposition for receiving all His favours.

9.

9. O Jesus! can any one declare that he does not desire this great blessing, especially after he has passed through the chief difficulties? No; no one can! We all say we desire it, but there is need of more than that for the Lord to possess entire dominion over the soul. It is not enough to say so, any more than it was enough for the young man when our Lord told him what he must do if he desired to be perfect.⁹¹ Since I began to speak of these dwelling-rooms I have him constantly before my mind, for we are exactly like him; this very frequently produces the great dryness we feel in prayer, though sometimes it proceeds from other causes as well. I am not speaking of certain interior sufferings which give intolerable pain to many devout souls through no fault of their own; from these trials, however, our Lord always delivers them with much profit to themselves. I also except people who suffer from melancholy and other infirmities. But in these cases, as in all others, we must leave aside the judgments of God.

10.

10. I hold that these effects usually result from the first cause I mentioned; such souls know that nothing would induce them to commit a sin (many of them would not even commit a venial sin advertently), and that they employ their life and riches well. They cannot, therefore, patiently endure to be excluded from the presence of our King, Whose vassals they consider themselves, as indeed they are. An earthly king may have many subjects yet all do not enter his court. Enter then, enter, my daughters, into your interior; pass beyond the thought of your own petty works, which are no more, nor even as much, as Christians are bound to perform: let it suffice that you are God’s servants, do not pursue so much as to catch nothing.⁹² Think of the saints, who have entered the Divine Presence, and you will see the difference between them and ourselves.

11.

11. Do not ask for what you do not deserve, nor should we ever think, however much we may have done for God, that we merit the reward of the saints, for we have offended Him. Oh, humility, humility! I know not why, but I am always tempted to think that persons who complain so much of aridities must be a little wanting in this virtue. However, I am not speaking of severe interior sufferings, which are far worse than a want of devotion.

12.

12. Let us try ourselves, my sisters, or let our Lord try us; He knows well how to do so (although we often pretend to misunderstand Him). We will now speak of these well-ordered souls. Let us consider what they do for God and we shall see at once what little right we have to murmur against His Majesty. If we turn our backs on Him and go away sorrowfully like the youth in the Gospel⁹³ when He tells us what to do to be perfect, what can God do? for He must proportion the reward to our love for Him. This love, my daughters, must not be the fabric of our imagination; we must prove it by our works. Yet do not suppose that our Lord has need of any works of ours; He only expels us to manifest our goodwill.⁹⁴

13.

13. It seems to us we have done everything by taking the religious habit of our own will, and renouncing worldly things and all our possessions for God (although they may have been but the nets of St. Peter,⁹⁵ yet they seemed much to us, for they were our all). This is an excellent disposition: if we continue in it and do not return, even in desire, to the company of the reptiles of the first rooms, doubtless, by persevering in this poverty and detachment of soul, we shall obtain all for which we strive. But, mark this—it must be on one condition—that we ‘hold ourselves for unprofitable servants,’⁹⁶ as we are told either by St. Paul or by Christ, and that we do not consider that our Lord is bound to grant us any favours, but that, as we have received more from Him, we are the deeper in His debt.

14.

14. How little is all we can do for so generous a God, Who died for us, Who created us, Who gives us being, that we should not think ourselves happy to be able to acquit ourselves of part of the debt we owe Him for having served us, without asking Him for fresh mercies and favours? I am loath to use this expression, yet so it is, for He did nothing else during the whole time He lived in this world but serve us.

15.

15. Think well my daughters, over some of the points I have treated, although confusedly, for I do not know how to explain them better. Our Lord will make you understand them, that you may reap humility from your dryness, instead of the disquietude the devil strives to cause by it. I believe that where true humility exists, although God should never bestow consolations, yet He gives a peace and resignation which make the soul happier than are others with sensible devotion. These consolations, as you have read, are often given by the Divine Majesty to the weakest souls who, I suppose would not exchange them for the fortitude of Christians serving God in aridities: we love consolations better than the cross! Do Thou, O Lord, Who knowest all truth, so prove us that we may know ourselves.